This is not a paper so think of it as a rough draft that still needs to be edited. Most of my talk came from Elder and Sister Oaks talk that you can find in this months ensign (Feb 2016) "Trust in Heaven's Timing" and Elder Oaks talk "Timing" that he gave at a BYU devotional on Jan 29th 2002.
" Imagine that your favorite hobby is stargazing and you’ve just joined a stargazing club. You come to your first club activity eager to participate. It’s a cold night, but you’re not concerned: most of the club members are wearing club jackets, and you’ve been told you should be able to get one as well. But there is no jacket for you. You ask about it, and you are told to keep looking and that if you do your best, you will find a jacket when the time is right.
“Meanwhile, you are
getting pretty cold and a little worried. And you notice that most of the other
club members are talking about how nice and warm their jackets are. In fact,
throughout the evening the topic surfaces continually in various forms: how to
wash and dry your jacket, how to add extra pockets, how to mend it, and so
forth. Some of the club members notice you don’t have a jacket. ‘You really
need a jacket for these activities,’ they tell you. ‘Why don’t you have one
yet?’
If you had to compare
something in life to that jacket, what would that be?
Elder Oaks in the talk that he and Sister Oaks gave brought
this analogy up to help people realize and understand the feelings that come to
those who are single in a church that has so much emphasis on families and
marriage. But as you were listening maybe something different came to your
mind. We all have righteous goals and desires. I would like you to keep this
righteous goal or desire in your mind as I continue my talk.
First let’s talk
about waiting. At our age we watch people around us receive and achieve these
desires and goals. But they haven’t happened for us yet. We may be truly happy
for those around us but it doesn’t make waiting for these things to happen any
easier.
Waiting is NOT fun. We hate it so much that we have these
little boxes in our hand (refer to cell phone) that we stare at while waiting in a line or waiting
for a table to be ready. I was in the temple this week and I was waiting for my
friend to come out. As I sat awkwardly waiting, I thought to myself why does
this feel so awkward. It was because I wanted to be doing something besides
just waiting. How rare is it for us to just sit and do nothing without looking
at our phones or computers? Just waiting has now become awkward torture.
Elder Uchtdorf said: "Waiting can be hard.
Children know it, and so do adults. We live in a world offering fast food,
instant messaging, on-demand movies, and immediate answers to the most trivial
or profound questions. We don’t like to wait. Some even feel their blood pressure
rise when their line at the grocery store moves slower than those around them.
Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for
answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right
and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would
delay the answer."
Because it is so hard to wait we start having doubts and
asking ourselves questions “Did I do
something wrong?”
Sister Oaks shared her experience:
"I
remember wondering how I could have such a beautiful patriarchal blessing full
of promises—many of which did not seem realized. I thought, “Am I doing
something wrong to delay my blessings?” This was much like the young man who
asked the Savior, “What lack I yet?” (Matthew 19:20).
A close friend shared
with me her experience with these same feelings. She said, “I found myself just
repeating the same prayer over and over again. I prayed about finding my husband.
It seemed fruitless, and I wondered if my prayer was getting through.”
Then she added, “It
was then that I decided to pray a different type of prayer. I told the Lord
that I had covenanted with Him, and however He wanted to use me to build the
kingdom, I would accept. This perspective made me stronger and more patient. I
began to feel Heavenly Father’s direction much more in my life. Of course, I
still wanted my blessings, but I wanted to [receive them] on the Lord’s
timetable.”
Sister Oaks friend realized
that marriage is one of those desires that is hard to plan for. You have very
little control over the timing of some desires such as marriage. What you do
control is your acceptance of the Lord’s timing and plan for you.
I am the kind of
person that likes to plan and be proactive for things that I want. I thought I
learned the lesson of letting things be in the Lord’s hands when I cant control
them. But recently I have entered a trial that has been more than I have had to
bear when it comes to control and trusting God’s timing. Without going into
details I would like to share this experience in general terms in case there is
someone here who needs to hear it. Something in my life that I thought was
solid started crumbling around me. I did not know why. I asked myself what am I
doing wrong? Why is this happening to me? People who know of my proverbial
avalanche were just as confused as I was. They kept telling me things like this
shouldn’t be happening to you. This does not make sense. Which just confused me
even more. If I know something is wrong I know to fix it. But I did not know
why the avalanche was happening so I could not fix it. I prayed to the Lord
asking why this is happening and what I should do to fix it. The answer I kept
getting was don’t worry I got you. I am here for you. I love you. I appreciated
those answers but it was not helpful for a solution. I’m getting buried here and
I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing! Do I dig myself out or do I just
leave and let it happen? Help! Again comfort and love but no solution. Word got
around about my avalanche and I was told I should talk to lawyers because they
were unlawfully blowing up my foundation and I should stick up for myself.
Blech! Those of you who know me, know that I hate confrontation. It made me
literally sick to my stomach to do what they were suggesting. The hardest part
is there was a deadline for the decision I had to make concerning my avalanche.
It kept getting closer and closer making me feel more stressed on trying to
figure things out. I tried to make a pros and cons list but that didn’t help
because there were too many determining factors. I ended up making a brain map
that just proved to me that I have a lot of options and still no clue what I
was supposed to do. I decided to just go
with what I desired most not knowing if it was the Lord’s plan or not. Then
another avalanche happened. I thought Seriously?!?! This story is still in the
process. I am still buried and in limbo of knowing what is going to happen but
I do have now some life lines that could save me if they work out. Sometimes we
have to be pushed off of something solid and comfortable in order to reach
something better. That is what I trust is happening to me. It sucks! But I know
that what is happening has nothing to do with something I did wrong or
something I lack but the Lords plan for me. I mean getting an assignment to
talk on the Lord’s timing helped that fact become even clearer.
So here we are
waiting. Now what?
Oaks said:
"Because of things over
which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire
in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not
planned, and not all of them will be welcome. Even our most righteous desires
may elude us or come in different ways or at different times than we have
sought to plan.
The timing of marriage
is perhaps the best example of an extremely important event in our lives that
is almost impossible to plan. Like other important mortal events that depend on
the agency of others or the will and timing of the Lord, marriage cannot be
anticipated or planned with certainty. We can and should work for and pray for
our righteous desires, but despite this, many will remain single well beyond
their desired time for marriage.
So what should be done
in the meantime? Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ prepares us for whatever life brings.
This kind of faith prepares us to deal with life’s opportunities—to take
advantage of those that are received and to persist through the disappointments
of those that are lost. In the exercise of that faith, we should commit
ourselves to the priorities and standards we will follow on matters we do not
control and persist faithfully in those commitments, whatever happens to us
because of the agency of others or the timing of the Lord. When we do this, we
will have a constancy in our lives that will give us direction and peace.
Whatever the circumstances beyond our control, our commitments and standards
can be constant."
What do we have control over? Who we are? Who we emulate Our daily choices? Our daily habits? Who we friend and follow? A cool friend or celebrity or the Savior and our Heavenly Father? We can control our priorities. Are we more worried about what others think of us or what the Lord thinks of us? We can control where we are on the path of spirituality while asking these inspired questions by Sister Valentine’ s devotional at BYU in 2004.
“What could I turn off, turn down, or tune out in order to hear
the voice of the Spirit in my life? Am I doing anything in my life that is
offensive to the Spirit and preventing the Holy Ghost from being my constant
companion? Is there anything I could eliminate from my busy life so that I
would have more time to be still, to study scriptures, ponder, and pray?”
How submissive am I to the will of the Lord in my life right
now? How often do I try to counsel the Lord, rather than take counsel from Him?
Is there a sin or habit in my life for which I need to repent?
Is there anyone in my life that I need to forgive?
When was the last time I received revelation from the Lord? How
can I feel the love of the Lord more consistently in my life?
Elder Oaks continued
"The commitments and
service of adult singles can anchor them through the difficult years of waiting
for the right time and the right person. Their commitments and service can also
inspire and strengthen others. Wise are those who make this commitment: I will
put the Lord first in my life, and I will keep His commandments. The
performance of that commitment is within everyone’s control. We can fulfill
that commitment without regard to what others decide to do, and that commitment
will anchor us no matter what timing the Lord directs for the most important
events in our lives.
Commit
yourself to put the Lord first in your life, keep His commandments, and do what
the Lord’s servants ask you to do. Then your feet are on the pathway to eternal
life. Then it does not matter whether you are called to be a bishop or a Relief
Society president, whether you are married or single, or whether you die
tomorrow. You do not know what will happen. Do your best on what is fundamental
and personal and then trust in the Lord and His timing."
I feel like we in YSA feel like life passes us by if things
don’t happen when we want them to. I don’t
have my degree yet and I am getting SO old, I am not married yet I am getting
SO old. I don’t have a career yet…. I am SO old! People who are older shake
their heads at us because they know we are not SO old. It just feels like it because we are comparing
ourselves to those who reached the finish line before we did. We all have similar
goals but different time tables this is not a race but a journey. Enjoy the
journey and while on this journey learn as much as you can and become that
person that the Heavely Father knows you can be. Then we are not racing or
waiting but enjoying the journey as it comes.
Elder Steur of the 70 said:
"Hence, even though we may
set goals, establish procedures, make plans, and act nobly, we may not control
the immediate results. We must continue, however, to seek the good, establish
the right, and walk humbly in the full faith that God guarantees the just and
merciful outcome."
Yes I am in the midst of conflict I feel buried and I am
unsure of my future. Some of you might be in the same boat. If so take comfort
in knowing if we are striving to do what is right and staying on the path of righteousness
then the Lord will take care of us. We need to trust that and trust in the Lord’s
timing.
Testimony
